Our reality was jolted with the words, "we cannot find a heartbeat,” what no heartbeat? But I felt the baby move just this morning. Devastation filled the room, how would I tell my daughter that was sooo excited to be The Big Sister, how could I look at my Husband, my parents….myself in the mirror. I did this; my body caused my baby to die.
I was induced to deliver my child, my body was not ready, my mind was not there, my emotions were everywhere. How could this happen to me, my family, we are good people, full of faith, hope, and love. Why? How?
It was a long night full of family, friends, and tears. Where was the support? I had plenty from my family and friends and even from the Dr that was on call at the time. The nurses…none. They made me feel as if I had the plague. They didn't want to be in my room longer than they had to. They didn’t speak, and the compassion and caring was not there. As a nurse myself I couldn’t imagine treating someone like I felt I was being treated. Was it hard for them to watch a mother, like them, lose a child? The answer is simple, yes.
We delivered Madelynn Sue Greving at 12:34 PM on Oct 12, 2004, born sleeping. She weighed 3lbs 14 oz, she was perfect. 10 little fingers, 10 little toes, and a little button nose like her Big Sister. The whole family got to hold and say goodbye to their daughter, granddaughter, niece, and cousin.
Then we had support from a different source. Share. My husband’s cousins had an early pregnancy loss in St Charles Mo. Share is in all the hospitals there. When they received the support from Share they became active in helping others that go through the loss. They had pamphlets for us, books and they took pictures of my family with Maddy they were there to help. What if I didn’t have this support? I wouldn’t have the things I do have to cherish my child’s life. No pictures, no closure, nothing.
Our families went in together and purchased our bricks to place at the Angel of Hope in St. Charles Mo. At that time it was the closest angel to us. We went a few weeks after Maddy's birth and layed her brick at the base of the angel. This was the first time I didn't feel alone, that I was not the only one this has happened to. Then December was our first candle light ceremony. Wow, this was the most amazing thing, the most emotional event I have ever been to. Hundreds of family members of lost children all in one place for the same reason....I am not alone....It was breathtaking. The lit candles, the soft music, and the speech given by yet another mommy that had been in my shoes. A place of healing, yes, a place of rememberance, yes, a place of beauty and tears.
A few years passed and I finally figured out what I needed to do. I with my sister went to the director at the time in Women’s care and shared our idea of starting the Share program at HRH. She ran with the idea, and got us funding.
December 5, 2008 was our first family to lose and infant. How was I going to do this? Was I in over my head? My sister and I went to meet with the family, I took pictures, we gave them books, and talked to them about Share. The family was very grateful for job we had done, the books we provided , and the care they received.
Since the first family we have helped 30 other couples with the loss of their infants. I am so proud that we have accomplished to get this wonderful program started and have helped so many families. Thank you to HRH for believing in the cause and providing us with the means to keep the program going.
I am hoping by starting this website, sharing my story through the news and papers that other families will share in my hope for the Angel to come here. The price is high, but so are the emotions. Donations or ideas at anytime are welcome. If you or if you know someone who would benefit from this wonderful place of reflection and healing please contact me.